80% of volleyball players who have spent 4 to 6+ years playing for 2 to 3+ different clubs have expressed some sort of complains about having a bad coach …
So, chances are quite high when it comes to dealing with such a situation if you stayed active long enough as a volleyball player.
That’s why, it is extremely important to learn how to deal with such a coach so this won’t impact neither your mood nor your overall performance.
In this article, I breakdown the best methods and techniques I know to help you in these kinds of situations.
Tips to properly deal with a bad volleyball coach …
First Rule is to never confront them in the heat of the moment. This will just inflame passions on both sides and could just lead to a slanging match which can become both stressful and unproductive.
Better by far to write an email to the coach, pointing out any grievances in a calm and rational manner, providing examples wherever possible.
Do not share your opinions about the coach with others or talk about them behind their back. Never berate them in public, because this is the fastest way to kill the team’s overall spirit that should rather be its ultimate strength.
If that’ the case for kids, then parents should always try to be objective. However, even if they may want their child to do well, they should not automatically assume a coach is bad because they have benched them or do not given them game time.
There might be tactical, technical or even disciplinary reasons for this!
Taking the decision of changing the team or club should be considered as a possibility in some extreme cases. This should not be seen as a sign of giving up, but instead as a chance to make a fresh start …
Sometimes the chemistry between two people simply does not work, and their personally styles clash.
History is littered with examples in professional sports of players who failed to prosper under once coach, but thrived when they moved elsewhere.
Quick Recommendation: There are many books that go deep into this subject that you should check, however, I highly recommend you to check my favourite book that will help you deal with hard personalities including bad coaches.
What makes a volley coach bad?
Among the characteristics of a bad coach is a tendency to call one player out in front of the others, and to blame them directly for a loss or a bad play.
Also, they only tend to pick his favourite players, and give them individually all the praise for the team success in front of others who might have also contributed.
There are many other characteristics, but the ones I’ve just stated are the most common ones.
Good vs Bad volleyball coaches (What’s the difference?)
Good coaches encourage, and take the blame for bad performances on themselves, never individuals, at least in private. If there has to be any discussion with individuals this takes place behind closed doors and always focuses on how to do better next time.
Similarly, the best coaches never shout at their players or raise their voice to them. While some volleyball players may be tough and are able to take this, for others, who are more sensitive, it can intimidate them and make them fragile on the court. They become afraid to take risks and stop enjoying the game.
Another thing that distinguishes the two sorts of coach is communication. A good coach is not only always talking to their players, but they will always say what they want and why. With a bad coach either there is a lack of communication or a failure to explain the thought process involved in a decision.
A good coach is also a role medal, somebody a team looks up to and respects. They want to do well for them and feel disappointed if they fail to do their best in a match. With a bad coach there will never be the same degree of motivation to succeed.
When it is the time to confront your coach?
The worst time to do this is when either person is angry – they will not be receptive to criticism, no matter how positively it is expressed.
It is also a good idea to do it after a game, especially if there has been a defeat, because again emotions will be running high.
It is better to do it in between games when people are more relaxed and less stressed. They are likely to be more rational and prepared to listen with an open mind to the ideas of others, especially if issues can be backed up with concrete examples.
How do you confront your coach the right way?
The first thing to note is that the word “confront” is probably not the right one to use. It is emotive and sends the wrong message from the start. Instead, use more constructive terminology and behaviour in both thought and deed.
That means approaching the problem as an issue to be solved jointly. Most volleyball coaches love the game so, if there is an aspect of their coaching that is bad, usually there passion for the sport cannot be doubted.
In that spirit then, approach the coach directly and ask for a private meeting. Never call them out in public, in front of other people or after a game when they are likely to be highly emotional and full of adrenaline.
And, if there is any criticism that you want to make during that meeting, never make it personal or say anything derogatory about their character …
Instead, focus on behaviours, providing concrete examples where possible and always stress that your motive is to try and improve things for the benefit of everybody.
Offering to collaborate with him or her is also a good way to show willingness, especially if they feel that you are willing to give up your time to help out.
How do you deal with a volleyball coach that doesn’t like your child?
The first thing to determine is whether the coach really does not like the child or it is something that the child has come to believe! What a child may think may simply be because the coach behaves in a manner that they find threatening or impersonal.
Observe a coaching session to see how a coach behaves with the team in general. What a child may regard as dislike could just be a matter of personal style.
Then try and find out if there are any reasons why the coach might have taken against your offspring. While all parents like to claim their children are angels, many of them are not in reality and they may have been cheeky to the coach or spoken disrespectfully to them. There is often than one side to a story.
Having determined that there are legitimate grounds for complaint, consider discussing the matter with the coach in a private meeting in a calm setting. Try and find out if there are any specific reasons for the dislike, and if there is anything that can be done to improve the situation.
Perhaps the coach may not be aware of the impression that he or she can be transmitting to the child, and there may be some things that can be done to correct that.
And, if all else fails, then sometimes the only thing to do is to try and find another coach and move teams. Ultimately a child who feels they will never get on with their coach is far more likely to give up the game than somebody who feels that they are a valued member of the team.
And that would be a shame because volleyball is a great sport that carries with it many physical and social benefits.
By the way, if the kid didn’t start playing volleyball at the right age, then you can learn how to approach starting the sport at later ages … starting at 13 years old or even starting at 16 years old!
Talking to your child’s coach (Tips for moms and dads) …
Do not raise any issues with a coach in public or where others might hear. Instead, ask to have a quiet word with them in private, and approach the meeting with as positive a mindset as possible.
Explain that you only want what is best for your child and provide some concrete examples of behaviours or actions that you think can be improved. Never make it a personal matter but, instead, focus on aspects of the performance that could be improved.
Perhaps prepare for the meeting by writing a few key points down first, but do not give the impression that you are reading off an extensive list of complaints.
Instead explore ways of working with the coach so that things can be improved to the mutual benefit, asking if there is anything you can do to help. Talking with them can help give an insight into their own point of view, and provide perspectives that perhaps had not occurred to you before.
Do not leave the meeting feeling that there are issues that still need to be resolved, as this will only lead to more problems down the line. Instead, make sure that you ask all the questions you want, and that all of them are answered.
Final Thoughts …
In more than 60% of situations where you are or your kid is dealing with a bad coach, the reality is that you or your kid only have a false impression, mostly because the coach has an unusual character that you might find somewhat offending …
That’s why, never rush or take a premature decision of leaving the team or anything like that before giving yourself or your kid the chance to get used to your coach character for a while …
In most situations, you will find out that this is a normal behaviour and that your coach is just overexcited or overcommitted to the team, hence, your initial impression.